Everyone says it is time to get married! So I have joined online dating and recently Araboosh looking for a possible wife. After going through thousands of posts hoping to find my dream woman for the past 3 months now, I’ve noticed a common theme in posts. So I would like to take a minute to sum it up so you know as a man what you are up against!

 

  • “Seeking a man that’s at least 6 feet tall. I like to wear high heels” .

Damn, totally screwed here! I’m only 5’10”  apparently equaling “somewhat tallish midget and therefore undatable”, even though the average male height is 5’9″. And 6 feet tall?? Why???  What kind of high heel shoes are you wearing anyway??? Do you need a ladder to climb up to those shoes??

No thanks!

 

  • “Must love animals”.


Just Great!!  So I have to pretend to like your little floofy poodle so I can maybe get a a hug?? to maybe earn some kisses? Or worse a whiny cat that jumps on me when I am sleeping and scratches my arms and back???

No thanks!

 

 

  • “Must like the outdoors” .

What does that really mean??? I have to rename myself Tarazan and move to some jungle and live off coconuts??

No thanks!

 

  • “Looking for friends first”.

That is ok. Can I ask how long is the friendship supposed to be???? A couple of months or we talking years before you say we should be just friends and you end up marrying someone else?? I have enough friends on facebook, I do not want anymore! I am looking for a W I F E!!

No thanks!

 

  • “Must love children”.

I like children! The more the better!! We can open our own sweatshop factory and they can make cheap handbags!!

  • “Must like to dance” – Most straight guys are NOT good dancers. Most rather be smoking shisha and eating kabab!

 

So based on these ads I have observed, I have to grow my hair it seems because on a bad hair day I am 6’6″ !! I will also have to move to the jungle, wear a lion cloth, pretend to love small furry animals and pretend to enjoy being in a home full of screaming kids!!

Single life is not so bad after all!!

 

Mr Tarboosh

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