Practically everyone is on Facebook these days, and it’s a handy way for guys to check girls out. In a perfect world, what does a gent like to see on a lady’s Facebook page?

Not long ago, Mark Zuckerberg — the world’s youngest potential billionaire, and the world’s least awkward performer (if SNL was any indication) — got a letter from Congress, which is concerned with Facebook sharing our data, like phone numbers, to make money. This got me thinking, when I’m creeping girls on Facebook — I’d like to just say “checking girls out,” but we all know it’s “creeping” — what do I want to see?

1. Sense of Humor
If all your pics are super posey and set up, we notice. I tend to do the most creeping of girls I actually want to get to know, not girls who just look hot in some pictures. I (deep) creep the girls who know what their pics on Facebook are, and aren’t afraid to take the risk of looking stupid or being laughed at. And those who can show some wit. These are the people who intrigue me.

2. Adventures
This does not mean that the shot of you on the sailboat, or mountaintop, or camel, does anything for us. Adventure is a state of mind. Whether your pics show you out with your sorority having a great time, or literally on an adventure in the Andes (even with an ex), we want to see pictures that show you have a big world.

3. Boobs and Bums
I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but hear me out. We want to see these things, but not in a way where we know you’re showing them to us. The beautiful, slightly low-cut LBD. Playing in the waves on vacay with your family. Facebook is all about voyeurism, and that dynamic changes when we know you know we’re looking.

4. Limited Engagement
You know what I think when I see a woman with 1200 pictures, and comments under all of them? This person spends way too much time on Facebook. My best friend has an expression: “experience, don’t mediate.” You know the person who is too busy taking pictures of the band (on their iPhone) to enjoy the actual music or performance? Don’t be that person.

5. A Little Mystery
Less is more. We don’t want to think you’re showing us your whole hand through your Facebook page; keep some cards close to your chest. Feel free to allude to your greatness, your sexiness, your worldliness and your sociality, but leave us wondering.

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