Archive for the ‘Dating & Romance’ Category

Know here…How to Maintain Your Marriage and Relationship?

Monday, November 24th, 2014

Research has long shown that married people are generally healthier and live longer than unmarried people. Married people are less likely to get cancer and heart attacks, and have even been shown to be at lower risk for dementia. One study found married people to be much less likely to suffer from headaches, back pain, and psychological distress. They are also more active and less likely to smoke.

But while marriage is distinctively connected to health and wellbeing on paper, recent research has shown that this doesn’t extend to troubled couples. In fact, unhealthy relationships can have negative effects that far outweigh those faced by unmarried people. A 2005 study published in “The Archives of General Psychiatry” found that couples who experienced high levels of hostility were more susceptible to illness than happier couples. It has also been shown that unhappily married couples are more likely to experience chronic illness, heart attacks and high cholesterol.

While it’s normal to experience some tension and emotional distress within a marriage, you don’t want to let the scale tip too far the wrong way, or you’re at risk for more than just stress – psychologically as well as physically. Here are seven ways to strengthen your marriage:

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Reintroduce Dating
When you’re married, it’s easy to become caught up in the rush of day-to-day life and lose sight of doing things as a couple. Think back to when you were in the honeymoon phase. What did you and your partner enjoy doing together? Maybe you loved going to the zoo, or art museums, or hiking. Perhaps you love it when your partner gives you back massages, but you haven’t asked for one in quite some time. Whatever it is that will keep you feeling romantic towards each other, reintroduce it into your marriage.

Show Your Appreciation
If there’s something you appreciate about your spouse, say it! According to John Gottman, Ph.D., marriage expert and the author of The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, couples who regularly compliment each other are happier because praise reminds people that they are loved. Don’t assume that your partner automatically knows what you love about them. Whether you appreciate his or her parenting skills, cooking expertise or outfit, tell them. You’ll soon begin to see praise coming your way too.

Do Small Things for Each Other
Maybe your spouse loves a specific kind of wine, but rarely buys it. Find little ways to show your affection and appreciation. If you make the first move, your partner will be pleasantly surprised, and together you can begin a new trend of mutual small kindnesses.

Learn to Edit Yourself
According to Gottman, the most successful couples don’t say every single critical thing that comes to mind when they are discussing touchy topics.

Respect Each Other
Mutual respect is one of the most important aspects of any healthy relationship. Be courteous. Don’t talk down to your partner, and make sure to show them the same politeness you would to anyone else.

Be Positive
A big difference between stable and unstable marriages is the amount of positive interactions that take place. Constructive criticism is important; just don’t allow it to dominate your interactions. Engage actively with your partner. Ask them lots of opinion questions. And don’t forget to laugh.

Seek Help
Don’t be afraid to go to couples counseling or engage in other activities that will help strengthen your marriage. If you struggle with one issue in particular, such as sex, read a book so you can learn how to unite as a couple. If you and your spouse argue about money, see a marriage therapist who can offer wise advice on how to communicate more effectively.

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How to reconnect, strengthen your relationship, improve communication, intimacy, and more.

Monday, November 24th, 2014

A fight, a disappointment, a Miscommunication. Ask yourself: What could I have done differently? What could we have done differently? What can we learn from this? Then talk to your partner about it, starting with what you could have done differently.

dating

All relationships need a little pick-me-up sometimes— These actions will make your partner feel loved, appreciated and desired, and will, in turn, make you feel more connected to him/her. Whether you’d like to increase intimacy, find a thoughtful way to say “I love you,” or just show your honey some gratitude, we’re sure you’ll find something useful in the list below.

And since the world (and our site!) is full of loving, creative souls, we hope you’ll share with us, in the comments section below, the special ways you share love and strengthen your bond with your significant other. We hope you’ll bookmark this page and refer back to it whenever you need relationship inspiration. Read the whole list, or skip to your favorite category from the list below.

 Create Intimacy

1. Lie down on the bed and spend two minutes looking into each other’s eyes without saying anything. (Blinking is OK.)

2. Next time you’re in bed pull the covers over your head and have a whispered conversation. If you whisper first he’ll probably whisper back—it’s incredibly intimate.

3. Listen to each other. Think you already do that? Try active listening. Ask your partner to talk about something, and after each sentence (or paragraph) repeat what you heard. Start with, “I heard…” You don’t have to repeat back the words verbatim, just say what you think she said. If you misinterpret or leave out anything, your partner will correct you. Take turns doing this. It’s great for intense discussions, arguments, or just a weekly ritual to improve communication. How To Communicate Effectively

4. Pray together. If you’re comfortable talking about it, discuss what you pray about.

5. Do the wonder intimacy exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Free associate and list sentences starting with “I wonder” on a piece of paper. (I wonder if I’ll ever learn to cook. I wonder if I’ll ever cook for you. I wonder if I could love you more than I do.) Take turns reading your wonders to your partner, without judging, commenting or analyzing. This may feel silly at first, but just try it and see what happens.

6. Do the nostalgic memory exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Pick a shared memory from “the honeymoon period” of your relationship. Discuss the memory and take turns talking about a) sensory memories (sights, sounds, smells) b) what you were thinking and c) what you were feeling.

7. Set time aside every day for mutual silence.

8. Pet Names. Sure, you can call each other baby, boo, or schmoopy, but coming up with a nickname only you two get is cute and provides a little laugh. Studies have shown that nicknames are a sign of a strong relationship. Others might not think “Bomboushay Yaya” is endearing, but if it means something to you then that’s all that matters.

Speak
9. Say something positive—anything at all. Researchers have found that happy couples have a ratio of five positive comments to each negative comment.

10. Think of one quirky thing she does that you love and tell her about it.

11. Ask him what he was like when he was a little kid.

12. Tell him he looks sexy in that shirt (pants, shorts, insert the appropriate item of clothing).

13. Compliment something that he’s improved upon.

14. Tell him he makes you a better person, and then tell him how.

15. If you’re feeling anxious about something, ask your partner to be your stress absorber. Ask him to listen as you explain what you’re worrying about. The catch is that he doesn’t have to say anything—no reassurances or offers of assistance. He just has to pay attention to what you’re saying and offer you a hug or hold your hand. As you’re talking, imagine your stress dissipating as the words leave your mouth.

16. The next time she does something that makes you angry, before you say something about it stop and ask yourself, “What am I really mad about?” Little things can often be masks for deeper issues. If you decide it’s a larger issue, hold your tongue and bring it up when you’re not mad.

17. Accept her apology. If you’ve been fighting, and she makes an attempt to reconcile, don’t rebuff her.

18. If she holds a notable position in her field (or even if not) remind her of how awesome she is at her job and how it intensifies your amazement of her.

Be Vulnerable
19. Apologize for something you never apologized for, even though you knew it was your fault.

20. Tell her a sexual fantasy you’ve always felt embarrassed about.

21. If there’s a secret you’ve been wanting to share with him, write a list of five reasons you’re afraid to say it, five ways you could phrase it, and five possible reactions he could have. Then pick one phrase and do it.

22. Think about something your partner does that makes you feel bad, but you haven’t told him about. (If this doesn’t exist for you, great! Skip this one.) Decide what you’d like him to do instead, and tell him about it like this: Next time you’re feeling relaxed and loving, say, “I want to tell you something. Sometimes I feel <insert feeling here> when you <whatever it is that makes you feel bad.> Could you do <what he could do instead> instead?”

23. Think about a time when something went wrong between the two of you—a fight, a disappointment, a miscommunication. Ask yourself: What could I have done differently? What could we have done differently? What can we learn from this? Then talk to your partner about it, starting with what you could have done differently.

Eat
24. Make a special treat. Even if you’re on a diet, there’s always room for a little snack once a week. Maybe it’s a food from her childhood (like the s’mores her dad used to make when they went camping) or something that reminds him of your first date (spicy homemade guacamole? no problem!). A little treat that you’ve either made or just remembered to pick up will show you’re thinking about the two of you.

25. Cook a meal together. Divide up the tasks so you can both be in the kitchen working at the same time.

26. Make breakfast for him. It’s more unexpected than lunch or dinner.

27. Next time you’re at the corner store, pick up his favorite candy or gum.

28. Pack her a lunch to take to work. Bonus: put it in a paper bag with a note. Double bonus: include a small piece of chocolate.

29. Think of a piece of food that he likes but is difficult to find and order it online.

30. Use a toothpick to write “I love you” on the outside of an unpeeled banana. It’ll turn dark in a few hours and he’ll be able to see it.

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Don’t Be Afraid to Love Again

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

 

It is hard to when someone breaks up or gets out of a relationship. The last thing you would be thinking about is falling in love all over again. It is so normal to go through that feeling and it is painful to see someone go through it.

With that said, it should be just a matter of time before you can love again and be ready for a relationship and perhaps it is a much better the your previous one.

Here are some tips and good information that will help guide you build your next love relationship:

Free Yourself

The average person falls in love seven times prior to marriage. Does this shock you? I bet you’re thinking, “Wow, seven times, that’s a lot! I haven’t been in love that many times.” You’re not alone. I have yet to find someone who can attest to this figure. Interestingly enough, what I have found is that most people rarely, if ever, have been in love. Moreover, many believe that love is not even possible for them. The most popular response I received when I tweeted that statistic was, “Paul, I have only been in love once and don’t think I can love again.” Perhaps they’ve been hurt, burned bad by someone in their past, and something inside just doesn’t want to become vulnerable again to love’s ways. I am dedicating this post to everyone (men and women) who do not believe that love after loss is possible. I am here to tell you it is! These 12 steps will lead you to love again.

You can’t love again until you heal the pain that your lost love inflicted. Grieve, and as you do, you will become more emotionally healthy.  (more…)

Dating Advice For Women From Men – What Your Friends Won’t Tell You

Friday, November 9th, 2012

Dating advce to women from men

Want some real dating advice for women?Your friends are great. They know you, they know your dating history, they know the kind of men you go for, who better is there to get advice for relationships?

But let me ask you this: Has the approach you’ve taken got you the results you want?

The mistake that I encounter the most when coaching women is the absolute belief they have in the wisdom of their friends.

Yet with most of our friends there are two things you should know about their relationships:

a. They just fell into them by sheer fluke

b. Their relationship isn’t as good as it looks

As a result, these friends often give us terrible advice.  (more…)

The 8 Best US Cities for Singles Over 40

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

Sexiest US Towns for Dating after 40

The dating scene gets a bad rap, but the way we see it, your 30s, 40s, and  50s can be a great time to find love (or lust)—especially if you know where to  look. To help stack the odds in your favor, we combed data from the country’s  biggest cities to find the areas with the most vibrant social scenes, the  biggest dating pools for the 35-55 set—and where the ratio of single   (more…)

Things You Need to Do to Wipe Your Dating Slate Clean and Start Over

Monday, January 9th, 2012

New year, new dating life. And good guys do exist. Here’s the dating advice you need to let go of your relationship hang-ups and start meeting men.

Ex-tract! Remove ex-everythings from your space.
Move forward by not actually being able to go backward: Hide your ex on chat, delete his phone number, defriend him on Facebook and unfollow his Twitter. And we’re not just talking about ex-boyfriends—this includes ex-hookups, ex–booty calls, ex-FWBs and any other Bad News Dudes.   (more…)

How to make your marriage stronger and have a better relationship

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

You agreed to stick it out through sickness and health and for richer or poorer, but marital vows don’t address the other big things that can untie your knot—boredom, feeling out of touch—or worse, platonic friendship instead of an in-love partnership. While honeymoon headiness will inevitably decline, that doesn’t mean your relationship has to nosedive as well. In fact, some of marriage’s best highlights—raising a family and developing a deeper, more profound connection—require years of togetherness.

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to ensure your relationship stays strong over time. We talked to experts who studied the habits of the nation’s happiest couples for their top bonding tips and here they are:

1. Shake up date night  (more…)

How to make your Facebook page more appealing to guys

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

Practically everyone is on Facebook these days, and it’s a handy way for guys to check girls out. In a perfect world, what does a gent like to see on a lady’s Facebook page? One Glamour writer spells it out.

Not long ago, Mark Zuckerberg — the world’s youngest potential billionaire, and the world’s least awkward performer (if SNL was any indication) — got a letter from Congress, which is concerned with Facebook sharing our data, like phone numbers, to make money. This got me thinking, when I’m creeping girls on Facebook — I’d like to just say “checking girls out,” but we all know it’s “creeping” — what do I want to see?  (more…)

Signs of abusive relationships

Monday, September 19th, 2011

Dating should be a fun experience. To make sure you’re enjoying yourself, while staying safe, be aware of common signs in people with abusive personalities. If you’re using an online dating service, look for these types of traits in possible matches:

  • Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
  • Pushes for quick and intense involvement
  • Seems too good to be true
  • Needs to be in control
  • Unrealistic expectations of the relationship
  • Easily upset or angered

Online Dating Advice for Men and Women

Saturday, September 17th, 2011

Internet dating allows you to post your own unique dating profile. You remain in control at all times. With that in mind, first date advice starts at this beginning point. You can increase the chance of success by remembering one simple tip: Always be honest.

Do not lie. Be genuine. Be yourself. Online dating success relies on representing yourself for who you really are. The anonymity of the Internet allows people to embellish, leave things out, or even just create a whole new person. Inevitably, a first date will not work out when the people finally meet in person. It’s much better to be up front with who you are and what you’re looking for. This attracts the kind of people you want to meet. Even if you get fewer responses, the chances of a date working out and moving to a second date are greater.  (more…)

How to Solve Problems in a Relationship

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

Solve Conflicts by taking the LEAD

Conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing. In fact, conflicts in relationships can be constructive when used as a vehicle for improving communication. The following four steps can help you use conflict as a tool for gaining clarity, creating deeper understanding and strengthening relationships.

When you are in the midst of conflict, take the LEAD to manage it respectfully and calmly.

Listen to what is being said. Many times, conflict arises from a simple lack of understanding or miscommunication. Avoid making assumptions about what you hear. Instead, ask for clarification. For example, “I heard you say X, is that what you meant?”
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How to Deal With a Conflict in a Relationship

Sunday, September 11th, 2011

People have varying degrees of comfort with conflict. Some prefer avoiding it at all costs. Unfortunately, those costs tend to increase the longer issues are left unaddressed. Therefore, learning how to manage and resolve conflict is to your benefit. When dealing with conflict: 

  • Treat it as normal and expected. Conflict need not be catastrophic or personal. Conflict is simply part of being human.
  • Deal with issues as they arise. Avoiding conflict makes situations worse. Time does not resolve matters. Instead, it decreases the chance of a positive outcome.
  • Attempt to understand the other person’s point of view. Dismissing the other’s views, assigning blame, and exclusive focus on your own perspective are all counterproductive.  (more…)

Relationship Tips Straight From Guys’ Mouths

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

“I feel like I am always wooing my girl but it doesn’t happen the other way around. I bring her flowers often. I wish occasionally she’d surprise me with a six-pack or my favorite dessert.”
— Dustin, 25   (more…)

How to flirt on facebook

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

Practically everyone is on Facebook these days, and it’s a handy way for guys to check girls out. In a perfect world, what does a gent like to see on a lady’s Facebook page?

Not long ago, Mark Zuckerberg — the world’s youngest potential billionaire, and the world’s least awkward performer (if SNL was any indication) — got a letter from Congress, which is concerned with Facebook sharing our data, like phone numbers, to make money. This got me thinking, when I’m creeping girls on Facebook — I’d like to just say “checking girls out,” but we all know it’s “creeping” — what do I want to see? (more…)

How to keep long distance relationship healthy

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

We don’t doubt that newlyweds Will and Kate are as solid as the 18-carat rock he slid on her finger eight months ago. But any couple’s bond would be tested by the reported 10-week separation the two will face in a few months when Wills heads off for training, leaving Kate behind in their sleepy little Welsh town that has more sheep than people. “Some separation can be good for a relationship because you get the chance to miss each other, but, no matter how much you’re in love, being solo long term can wear on your union if you don’t do some creative stuff to stay connected,” says psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD, author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart. Which is why we came up with these fun and foxy things anyone can do (Kate and Wills, listen up) to make their LDR go the distance. (more…)

Do You Have a Jealousy Problem?

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

A recent book describes why a little twinge of envy isn’t always a bad thing. But if you’re turning into a full-on green-eyed monster, it’s time to figure out why and solve the issue. Jealousy Problem

Are you a jealous person? If so, do you at times feel like you’re crazy or irrational for being so possessive? So greedy of your partner’s affections, or so needy?
Jealousy is a very normal, human reaction to situations in which we feel like we’re being ignored or usurped, as a Yale study mentioned in the recent book Out of Character: Surprising Truths About the Liar, Cheat, Sinner (and Saint) Lurking in All of Us indicates. Researchers set things up so that a group of two people — woman and a man — were asked to work on a problem-solving task.
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Things that turn men off

Friday, July 1st, 2011

It’s not easy for a man to tell his wife or girlfriend what she does to irritate him. But sometimes it’s important for couples to healthily air their grievances. . Think of it more as the things that will bring us closer … by you not doing them.

Second-Guess Yourself – You know that colleague who you think is deceitful? Or that girlfriend of yours who can be condescending? Well, sometimes face value is, well, valuable. While it’s true that men can have knee-jerk reactions, women tend to overdo it when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt.

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How Professional Women Succeed in Meeting Great Guys

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

We often hear complaints from professional single women that their online dating efforts have just not been successful. Let’s take a look at that …

Meeting great guys is a challenge for most single women, and when you’re putting in long hours to get ahead in your profession or running a business, the challenge grows even greater. So, it’s little wonder that professional women like the concept of online dating –they completely “get” time management, and because online dating provides a great way to separate the wheat from the chaff, it theoretically offers the best return on time invested.
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Marry me! Man offers half his salary in wife search

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

CHICAGO — Paul Gutierrez can attest to some pretty bad dating horror stories.

One time, a mail-order bride climbed out a window in the middle of their date. Another time, Gutierrez, 38, says he dressed up like a moose to catch a woman’s attention, to no avail.

Paul looking for a date

Paul looking for a date


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Way to make him or her to like you more

Friday, June 10th, 2011

Sure, being good-looking and charming will certainly make you more of a catch. But there’s an even more crucial component to attracting others that’s so simple we almost feel weird saying it: Make your date feel good-looking and charming. Do that, and trust us, this person will be back for more. In a day and age when the romantic options out there are seemingly endless, it’s easy to feel like just a number. Prove you think the cutie sitting across from you is one of a kind, and it can make a huge difference. Only how do you make someone feel, well, special? It’s not as hard as you think—just try some of these tips and watch your love interest light up.

Flattery strategy #1: Get specific
Since online daters often feel like they’re just one in a parade of people having coffee with you, demonstrate a genuine interest in your date to help erase that fear. “We studied the relation between reciprocity and romance and found that if someone thinks you’re attracted to them, it increases their attraction to you,” says Eli Finkel, Ph.D, psychology professor at Northwestern University. On the other hand, “If someone’s attracted to you but they get the sense
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The Curse of the Just-OK Marriage

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

After a few years of marriage and maybe a few kids, many couples settle into a routine and can take their spouse and relationship for granted. Here are ideas on how to keep the spark alive.

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How to Attract Better Guys

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

This past year, gorgeous actress Anne Hathaway’s relationship with Rafaello Follieri famously crashed and burned when he was exposed as a con man.

In fairness to Anne, it’s not always easy to tell whether a dude’s truly charming and sweet or putting on an act. (more…)

Interesting Questions to Ask A Girl

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

Interacting with girls requires you to ask some good questions to strike a conversation. Such questions prove to be useful as icebreakers and also to take the relationship ahead. To get into a conversation, however, it is necessary to make the person comfortable enough to answer the dating questions easily, without hesitation. Get more information on conversation starters. Let us have a look at some of really interesting questions to ask a girl. Here are few dating questions (more…)

Interesting Questions to Ask A Guy

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

When a guy asks you out for a date, you may be wondering what to say to him. There are several questions to ask a guy, so as to start a conversation, but you need to know the right questions to ask. When you ask dating conversation questions, there is a likelihood that you would get a glimpse of his character. However, you also need to remember that the kind of questions you ask, gives an indication of your character and your outlook towards life. For both the girl and guy, asking proper questions can help create a rapport between the two.

Questions to Ask a Guy You Just Met (more…)

What to Write in a Message for the First Time

Monday, December 20th, 2010

A Dating Tales reader recently sent in a question about how to approach girls online. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll just call this faithful reader Aiman.

Here’s Aiman’s request for advice… (more…)